I've recently read a fascinating book by Dr. Ronald Potter-Efron titled, "Healing the Angry Brain." Dr. Ronald Potter-Efron provides the reader with the ability to understand the science behind how you're brain operates when angry and the coinciding behaviors associated with the emotion. Additionally, he breaks down the Six Stages of Anger and describes what can go wrong and when.

I've outlined and summarized the Six Stages of Anger below, which I share with my clients who experience issues in controlling their own anger. This allows clients to see where they miss-step in the expression of anger and how to resolve the hurdles of expressing one's anger. You will see examples of how anger is handled well and how anger is handled poorly, according to Dr. Ronald Potter-Efron. (Note: This is my summarized version).

The Six Stages of Poorly Handled Anger:

Stage 1: Poorly-Handled Anger Activation

Too quick to anger; immediately feel threatened or anxious.
Fight or flight response has been activated and you’re ready to argue.
This occurs at the preconscious level and you’re already in a fight without even realizing it.
If you continuously have issues with anger, your anger will become triggered automatically. Again, without you even knowing.
You are now primed to only gather negative information that will justify your anger and aggression.

Stage 2: Poorly-Handled Anger Modulation

Too strong a response.
Your brain is telling you, “Danger, danger danger! ”You’re intense emotional reaction is accompanied by an old automatic thought: “She/he’s doing this to hurt me.”
Your hippocampus (learning/memory) is doing a biased job of sorting through your memories of scenes that resemble this one. It’s as if your hippocampus is scanning through old pictures, but pausing to look only at the bad ones.

Stage 3: Poorly-Handled Anger Preparation

Jumping at the first option without planning ahead.
You can say goodbye to objective reasoning, keeping things in perspective, and impulse control.

Stage 4: Poorly-Handled Anger Action

Impulsive or excessive behavior.
You’re cutting people off mid-sentence and not allowing them to finish their thoughts.
You may shout, swear, and make demands.
You are now treating that person as if they are your enemy and not your partner, friend, family member, etc.
You are responding to your anger and not the actual issue at hand.

Stage 5: Poorly-Handled Anger Feedback

Inaccurate feedback.
Whoever your’e angry with is now trying to isolate self and get out of the interaction. You perceive this as negative feedback and follow them to “resolve” the issue.
You’re internal feedback system is saying, “I’m right. I just have to keep yelling and make them listen.”
Not responding with empathy or putting yourself in that person’s shoes. It’s not that you don’t care about their feelings, you are unable to experience them (especially when angry).
Hours later, it’s possible you will feel like a fool for what you said and regret how you acted. Unfortunately, the damage has already been done.

Stage 6: Poorly-Handled Anger Deactivation

Too quick to withdraw or unable to let go.
You think about the altercation repeatedly, and ever time you do it makes you angry all over again.
Days later, you may think, “How can they do this to me?”
If the other person chooses not to discuss this again, you will complain elsewhere without seeing the real problem.

The Six Stages of Well Handled Anger

Stage 1: Well-Handled Anger Activation

Becoming aware something negative is going to happen to your body. For example, you jaw has clamped down, your fists ball up, and you become warm. You are now aware that your physical cues are telling you anger is coming.
Anger develops instantaneously and at the preconscious level.

Stage 2: Well-Handled Anger Modulation

Take a brief time-out from what triggered you.
The break will allow you to think about the situation and prevent you from blurting out something you’ll later regret.
Take an intensity reading: Am I just a little angry, moderately, or irate?

Stage 3: Well-Handled Anger Preparation

Think, think, think! Consider your options for how to respond.
How can you share your anger without getting into an argument that will ruin the whole day?
De-emphasize your anger so the other person is less likely to become defensive. For example, “I’m happy for you, but do have one concern.”

Stage 4: Well-Handled Anger Action

Time to assertively verbalize what you’re thinking and feeling. (Note: Not aggressive, passive, or passive-aggressive)
Allow the other person to explain themselves.

Stage 5: Well-Handled Anger Feedback

Time to ask yourself, “Am I still angry or upset?” If not, move to the next stage.
If you’re still angry/upset, it’s time to deal with those feelings. Do an overall scan of your body and mind. Do you notice any other feelings or any light bulbs going off?

Stage 6: Well-Handled Anger Deactivation

You are now calm and no longer angry/upset.
Your frontal cortex (ability to control impulses, prioritize behavior, and understand how your actions will be perceived by others) and hippocampus (learning and memory) turn off the defensive aggression response.
Soon, your blood pressure will return to normal and entire body relaxes.